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| Jokes
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The Pope visits East Anglia and Bernard Matthews goes to see him. Bernard says
"You may not know me, but I'm the biggest turkey farmer in Europe and I need
your help."
The Pope says "Speak my child; if I can guide you, I will".
"Look, your holiness", Bernard says "Turkey doesn't seem to be as popular as
it used to be at Christmas. Because of this I've been building up a stock of
extra turkeys each year and I need to start selling them all year round. I am
willing to pay you 1 million a year over 10 years to change a single
word in the Lord's Prayer, to help out."
The Pope looks quizzically at Bernard: "Pray continue, child".
Bernard says "All I want is one word; if you change "give us this day our
daily bread" to "give us this day our daily turkey", it will stick in people's
minds, they'll have turkey more often and I'll be sorted.
The Pope shakes his head. "The Lord's prayer is a great unshakeable tradition
of the church; we couldn't possibly change it.".
So Bernard says "OK, OK I'll give you 5 million per year for 12 years".
The Pope starts to soften "Well... I suppose we could change it to "give us
this day our daily bread AND turkey".
Bernard gets desperate and pleads. "Look, this is my best offer. 20
million a year for the first five years, then going up by 5 million a
year and so on each five years for 20 years. That's really the best I can do."
The Pope smiles at Bernard and says "I shall help you. Go in peace".
The two shake on it to seal the deal, and Bernard leaves.
The next day the Pope returns to the Vatican and immediately calls a gathering
of cardinals. They gather together and the Pope says "I've got good news and
bad news. The good news is I have to us 20 million a
year........"
A gasp echoes round the chamber and one cardinal says "That is excellent, your
holiness, but what's the bad news?"
The Pope replies, "We've lost the bread company account."
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